I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a beard to bite.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
