I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
