just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
