u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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