Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
