my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Are my feet made of real feet?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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