i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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