But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
