it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize