Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am naked and annoyed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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