OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
