I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
