2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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