i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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