what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
