i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
