i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
