Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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