He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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