You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
