my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
FUCK WHALES
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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