The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
