dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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