mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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