dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
