one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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