if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
