You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
