I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
as a side note pls kill me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
