I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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