I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize