When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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