Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
