don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
