You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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