Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
