I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize