i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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