a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
