Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
