Plan B is the new Plan A
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
