I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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