I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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