Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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