The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
