When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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