Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
