It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
