Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
