Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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