I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
