just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
