I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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