what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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