i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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