be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize