So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't turn off my feet"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
