My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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