Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We are two peas in an std pod
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
