the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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