I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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