Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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