Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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