Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
