Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
