Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
