If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize