One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
