she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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