My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
