I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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