I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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