my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
