Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
