She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
