at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
