They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
