i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
