Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
