He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
