yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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