if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
