I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
