also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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