for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize