i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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