i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
