The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
