I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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