Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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