while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
