Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
