I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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