Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
