Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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