im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
