My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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