My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
should my penis look like a turkey
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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