ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize