areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
