I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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