my sisters under your porch take her home
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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